I have been without a voice since Christmas Day! Literally—playing charades to hold a conversation, writing notes on paper, and straining to whisper to anyone with “dog hearing” who could listen. I’ve been to work, raised my kids, and carried about my daily tasks in silence. After about 5 days, the novelty wore off and I was exhausted and frustrated. I went to the minor med clinic where I was misdiagnosed and treated with medicine that did not help.
You see, while the flu and other viral respiratory illnesses were running rampant, I had lost my voice for a different reason. Christmas Eve, I became extremely strangled while talking, not eating, just talking to my husband while driving home from church. My laryngitis was a completely freak event…so I thought.
Not only was I bummed out about my silence, I was saddened by my inability to use my voice in worship. I am a worshipper! I sing to the Lord all day, making melodies to Him. I sing in my private and corporate worship times. And now, I couldn’t even make a joyful noise.
Do you know what I learned through the frustration of silent worship?–New ways to worship! I realized that I had been talking too much and not listening enough. I was praying, but the time that I spent speaking overshadowed the time that I was spending listening. I would miss the still, small voice of the Lord because my voice was so loud! (I’m sure that has never happened to anyone else before…)
My worship time began to include more reading, meditating, and listening. Active listening–with paper and the pen of a ready writer. I began to reverence the silence and tune into another frequency. Sometimes, we just need to sit still and quiet in His presence…not just with our mouths, but our minds and hearts also. I was surprised to hear what He had to say…
Take me back, dear Lord…
After the birth of my first son in 2011, I found myself in a new role as a first-time, stay-at-home mom, and medical caregiver for my son. Social Security denied our application where I could get paid for caring for him. My severance package was running out and I started praying about ways to make a living from my home. The Lord said, “Writing…start a blog. Get the Word out. Help others get the Word out..”
I started my writing business, but I focused on helping others to get the Word out. I edited other people’s books, wrote devotionals for other’s publications, built websites for other people’s ministries, and helped others fulfill the call and dreams for their lives. The concentration of my business was propelling the Gospel message forward through others.
I placed the blogging portion of my business on the back burner in 2011. Why? I didn’t know what to write about. I couldn’t see myself becoming a mommy blogger because I was reading other mommy bloggers for tips. My son was born with a rare disease, so I was looking for help –surely I couldn’t provide any. There was nothing else that I was passionate about outside of my faith.
However, I was not a big name pastor with a mega-church and 4 books on the best seller list. The degrees behind my name were not from a seminary. Who was I to instruct, encourage, ignite, and empower anyone? The enemy’s barrage of disqualifications lead to fear and ultimately delay. Delay, until last year, when the Lord brought back the passion for reaching others through the power of technology and what… BLOGGING & WRITING!
Moving forward?
Last year, I built the blog and wrote a series of posts that were never posted. Why not? After doing my “blogging research”, one of the first instructions that I found was you have to find your voice.
You guessed it–I didn’t have a voice (according to the enemy’s new lie). I wrote and rewrote the posts trying to find my voice. I came to the conclusion that my voice is not as flowery and warm & fuzzy as some of the other bloggers that I was reading. My voice was a bit more challenging –but it still came from a place of love and passion for God and His people. My voice is different from other voices, and by losing my physical voice, I realized that my spiritual voice is needed in this space as well. God gave me a unique voice in this time, in this space… and it scared me.
On the inside, I was asking God for courage, strength, and holy boldness. I had become so discontent with my current state until I was stirred to jump from the familiar and take a big leap of faith. I needed some risk to grow–I knew that. But was my voice enough?
It’s as the old adage says, you never truly appreciate what you have until it’s gone. I literally, physically, lost my voice.
If you don’t use it, you will lose it. Well, I lost it.
Something as routine as my ability to speak, something we take for granted that will be there every day, was gone. I repented for not using my voice and for letting the fear of man stop me from releasing the unique sound that God had given me. I saw another doctor yesterday who treated me more aggressively and for the first time today, I spoke with the correct tone and volume. I am still waiting on my singing voice to fully return, but I am grateful to be heard without discomfort.
Lightbulb moment!
For the past 3 years, I have prayed for The Lord to give me one word for the year. He develops the Word as the year goes along, but it becomes my focal point or theme for the year. My word for 2018 is “Shine”.
My mind went back to a prophetic word that I received last spring. I was told that people were waiting for me to open my mouth. When I spoke, a light came from my mouth that pierced through darkness. People were healed, delivered, and set free when I opened my mouth and allowed His light to shine through me.
So, I’m going to let my light shine and my voice be heard. My prayer is that you will see the glorious light of The Lord and hear his voice as I scribe. I also pray that you will access your God-given power to change your life and the lives of others – for His glory.
I encourage you to use what you have been given— your gifting, talents, and God-given dreams & visions to achieve your purpose and walk into your destiny. Discouragement, disqualification, and delay are prevalent tactics that the enemy is using right now–don’t fall victim to his tactics any longer!
What is God calling you to do this year? What area is He calling you to pierce the darkness with your light?: Is it your marriage? Your finances? Your workplace? Your family? Who do you need to lead to Christ with your voice? What endeavor have you been dragging your feet on because you didn’t feel qualified?
Remember, Romans 8:30-31 (NIV) says:
And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified. What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?
Now get up, take your light from under the bushel, put it on a candlestick, and SHINE!